Tums, and other things...

Well, let' see. It's the day before Thanksgiving, and all is (relatively) well with my world. Of course, there are all of the usual rampant inequities/injustices: Racial and gender gaps, extreme free market pillaging of the resources, a farce of an executive office, a war without foreseeable end, rioting in France, Regis Philbin - ah, what a tangled web we weave.

In any event, I have been negligent in my writing, and so I re-dedicate myself.

First up - I've got 2 assignments for class, so it's nose to the grindstone.

Tums - what is it that Tums does, and why is it so very important to us in our daily lives.

Well, if the unemployment index is any sign, then we should know that our lives here in America are continually stressfully. Overtaxed, overworked, stressed over car payments, education for our kids, our unhealthy dietary habits, fear of getting laid off, fear induced by the government - all of this toxic anxiety causes stress, and that frequently induces heartburn. Too much stomach acid, and, crap - the day is shot. You can think of nothing but the discomfort and the pain.

So what am I trying to say here? That taking a Tums will let you get back to the busy work of ruining your life. I mean, living your life.

If you're on a date - TUMS will save you from blowing it. If you've got an important new business pitch, or a sales meeting, well, TUMS can help you there too. Going out for the big game/nascar race? TUMS. San Genaro (sic) and Italian sausages? TUMS. Big date with the new hottie on the block? TUMS. Wings, beer, sports? TUMS. The perfect rack of lamb and a crisp white wine at your favorite Greek restaurant, and all you want to do is curl up in a ball of misery in the dark? TUMS.

Who invented TUMS? According to company propaganda, a pharmacist first concocted it for his wife to treat her chronic acid stomach. He created it to help save his own life - must have grown tired of hearing her complain in agony.

What if we are looking at famous work places of people we know and love/admire/hate?
And there, right next to the President's red phone and ceremonial NRA letter opener, sits a jumbo bottle of TUMS?
Who else endures great stress?
Pilots, air traffic controllers, school teachers, stock brokers/traders, brain surgeons, opera singers, ballet dancers, executioners, Olympic athletes, Saddam Hussein, Jacques Chirac, the hot dog eating contestants at Nathan's annual showdown...

More thoughts on this later, I hope.